Trust Issues

    When we hear someone say that they have “trust issues,” immediately we associate it with a bad past relationship. Well honey, I hate to be the bearer  of bad news but trust issues for me began way before I was even remotely close to dating age. You see, the first people whom we trust are our parents. We trust them to love, care for, and nurture us. Therefore, receiving a lack of care, or being abandoned by your parental units can instill trust issues on top of other issues that we carry into adulthood, but that’s a topic for a whole different blog. Let me stay on task for now and delve into this trust topic. 

      Trust is defined as a firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. This five letter word is said to be the foundation for any relationship. Without it, the potential for growth is almost impossible. The lack of trust, or shall I say “trust issues” can be the reason that a relationship is doomed before it even starts. A person who suffers from trust issues will close their heart off to avoid it being broken, not realizing that not everyone has bad intentions. 

        In identifying the root of where the trust issues begin, aside from the childhood trauma earlier mentioned, there are several other reasons why some people refuse to fully let down their guard. Would you believe me if I told you that a large majority of people’s lack of trust is an extension of their own behaviors? Why on earth would they be able to trust someone else when they themselves aren’t to be trusted? Sadly, something as minute as a simple disagreement or difference of opinion could be the trigger to make one individual in a relationship turn to someone else. It is that reaction that causes them to think the same of their mate. 

       Of course most of us know first hand the next reason that makes it hard for some to be trusting. A broken heart. The pain associated with disloyalty from someone who you entrusted everything that is you with, can be enough to make you want to lock yourself indoors and never interact with the opposite sex again. Let’s be honest. Who wants to go through that over and over again? But, if I’m being BRUTALLY honest, who exactly wants to go through being alone forever because one person violated the trust?

       Another thing that raises skepticism in some people has nothing to do with personal experience, but what they see others do or go through. They have witnessed their friends, or friends significant others be less than loyal in their relationships. Or even have had advances by people in relationships made toward them. Why on earth would anyone want to be a party to this when it seems that people don’t uphold the sanctity of marriage or respect relationships anymore? Could it be because out of all the fucked up individuals in the world that there are actually some who still believe in monogamy. And happily ever afters? 

     
         For as many reasons that there may be as to why it seems easier to avoid falling. To avoid being broken. To avoid...feeling. There are so many more reasons why dusting yourself off and trying again versus throwing in the towel to be forever lonely seems to be the best side of the coin. Happiness perhaps? I mean really, if you knew that you could be utterly happy, would you risk it all just to try again? The reality is we never truly know a person’s intentions, but not everyone comes with an ulterior motive. And what about those who just think that they suck at relationships but haven’t identified that the root of their problem is that they are the weapon formed against their self causing them not to prosper. Here are some indicators: 

  • You assume betrayal. ...
  • You await betrayal. ...
  • You are overly protective. ...
  • You distance yourself from others. ...
  • You avoid commitment. ...
  • You don't forgive the smallest mistakes. ...
  • You are excessively wary of people. ...
  • You feel lonely or depressed. 


        Just as important as it is for a person to understand that they have trust issues and that addressing it could make the difference in how they view relationships. It is also important for the other person to make some strides to build trust. Be consistent, reliable, open, transparent, and most of all be loving. Create an environment that makes them feel safe with you. Safe enough to slowly lower their guard. The truth is, no one is perfect or always the easiest to get along with. You just have to find the person who is perfect for you

        When it comes to matters of the heart, we have to be open to receive what is for us. Being closed off can block our blessings. Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs, however do the work to make sure that whatever past trauma that you may be dealing with or scenarios playing in your brain is not the reason why you’re inflicting these issues onto someone else who is open to love you without limit and handle you with care. This is essential in being able to move on happily in life. None of us were put here to live and die alone. Life is about taking risks. And some risks come with a silver lining. I hope you all are resilient enough not to give up on finding that.~D.W.  

 

        

 

 

 

 

       


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1 comment

  • Great Insight, Very True! Thanks for this advice and an easier way to relate/ understand.

    • Monica