That little thing you like

     Sitting at dinner in awe of the beautiful specimen across the table from you, who you just can’t believe said yes. To a first date anyway. This woman fits all the criteria of your “checklist” and is extra fine. The conversation is dope, and you are already envisioning how she’d look lying beside you on the beach in a bikini, or standing beside you at a formal function in a custom gown. Yes! She just might be the one. Trying not to appear too distracted by her full lips as she speaks is a battle that you’re slowly losing as all you can now think about is her taking you into her mouth. That would just seal the deal. Her having a good head on her shoulders would be the icing on this gorgeous cake. That is, until the time finally comes that she allows you into her intimate space. And you now realize that she isn’t all that she’s cracked up to be in the sexual department. And her fellatio game is lack luster. Fellas, does this change the whole dynamic for you now? 

        Now. Let me flip the script for a second and talk to my ladies. Sistahs, how y’all feeling? *Insert wave and an air kiss* So let’s say for the sake of the conversation that you’ve met this foine and well mannered business man who always smells amazing, looks damn good in any type of clothing, holds doors, pulls out chairs, and over time has you mind fucked from the conversation alone. You’ve been on several dates, and finally he asks you on a weekend getaway. You all fly out to a beach side villa in St Lucia where he has spared no expense and left no stone unturned for this trip. You already know what it is, and have every intention of giving him the business this weekend. I mean he’s earned it right? Dinner with a view the first night is nothing short of breathtaking. Deciding to have each other for dessert later, you reach down to massage his package and realize that he is coming up a bit short. Pun intended. Is that grounds for pulling the plug on this man who has been amazing in every other area thus far? 

      In both scenarios, you have two amazing people with a lot to offer, however both lack in the sex department. Spoiler alert, the likelihood of finding the perfect person is 0%! There is no perfect person in this world, therefore we should focus more on simply finding the person who is perfect for us. All while taking into account that we too are flawed in some way. Now let me fill you in on something that may have you mind blown. Sometimes you have to weigh the pros and cons and figure out how much a person is worth to you before getting on your high horse and banishing them from your life. You may in fact even have to teach them that little thing that you like! 

     I know. I know. A lot of you feel like it’s beyond you to have to teach another grown person something. However, in being fair, everything ain’t for everybody. So there may be a trick that was foolproof on old Bae, but doesn’t get new bae where he or she needs to be. Keep that in mind when judging a man on size or the woman on the motion in the ocean. If the chemistry is great and they are fairly skilled in other areas, by all means sis, practice your kegals. Fellas talk to her while you’re inside letting her know how you like it. Remember that it’s not an anatomy drill, so don’t make it sound as if you’re giving a lesson plan so much as being in the moment. A little “yeah baby, throw that ass back,” ain’t ever hurt nobody. 

       I don’t want to come across as if I’m suggesting that settling is alright. What I am saying however is in adult relationships, there has to come a time where you have to decide if each time a person doesn’t embody exactly what you have been in search of, does that mean you’re on to the next? This will have you on a never ending quest to find someone who has it all, only to potentially end up with someone who lays it down in the bed but is horrible for your mental health. Utilize your capacity to weigh the importance of working out some minor kinks in order to have a great sex life with this amazing man or woman. A coachable person is a keepable one. 

    Sex is absolutely a large part of any relationship. However communication is an even bigger part, which means it is alright to tell them what you want. Take it a step further and do something different such as watching porn together or implementing sex toys. You’d be surprised how the sex improves and the connection grows. Besides, connection is the key factor in sex. The more in tune you are with one another, the more intense the sex. It is also imperative to know exactly how you like it and what gets you to your peak to be able to instruct your partner to do the same. 

      To summarize and put this into layman’s terms, do not discard a person for not possessing the sexual skill that we hear about in songs. More than likely, neither do the people singing those songs. Invest the effort into custom tailoring the experience so that every erotic encounter between you is a great one. And with enough practice and time learning one another, eventually they will actually have mastered that little thing you like.  






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