Self love

       It’s all fun and games until cuffing season is well underway and you’re still as single as a dollar bill. That living your best life in summer done came back and bit you in the ass for winter. And as the saying goes, being single hits you hardest when you’re alone in bed at night. Alone. It’s the fear of being just that, in which makes a lot of singles jump into bed with someone who they don’t even anticipate a future with and are far less than compatible. Of course we all get that itch that needs to be scratched, but it’s better to love on yourself than to be in bad company. Yes. You read that right. And I know there are a lot of people who are embarrassed to say that they touch themselves, or are too afraid to. But if you won’t, why should someone else want to. 

      Let’s talk masturbation for a minute. It is Tuesday right? Let’s talk candidly. You see, we’ve been programmed in earlier years to believe that it’s taboo to self indulge. And some have not grown away from that belief. Oh how I wish that they felt as convicted about hopping from bed to bed. Each time you lie down and share your intimate space with a person, it is an exchange of energy. Don’t allow the feelings of being horny make you allow the devil into your bed. Think about that the next time you second guess whether or not it’s a good idea to masturbate. 

       Sexual frustration is real. It will have you mad at co workers all day for something they didn’t do to you. Don’t carry that weight all day. Rub one out, and I promise you’ll have a different pep in your step. Just here to help! Lets look at the benefits of an orgasm and cross reference what masturbating does. 

Benefits of orgasm

  • Helps you sleep better. When you orgasm your body releases a cocktail of chemicals, including oxytocin, norepinephrine, vasopressin, prolactin and serotonin. ...
  • Combats stress. ...
  • Lowers risk of prostate cancer. ...
  • Reduces risk of heart attacks. ...
  • Glowing skin. ...
  • Strengthens your immune system. ...
  • Relieves headaches 


Masturbation can:

  • release sexual tension.
  • reduce stress.
  • help you sleep better.
  • improve your self-esteem and body image.
  • help treat sexual problems.
  • relieve menstrual cramps and muscle tension.
  • strengthen muscle tone in your pelvic and anal areas

     After reading these, and understanding that you may experience sleepless nights because of your inhibitions surrounding pleasuring yourself. Did you change your mind a little? Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing like a warm body to hold you after you’ve reached your climax. However, let’s be honest. Wanting/needing sex can land you in bed all season with someone that you don’t even like. The reality is that sex is not a substitute for intimacy. And that is the very thing that the average person is in need of. An intimate connection. Now on to the “benefits” of doing it yourself. 

  • Masturbation is safer than any other type of sex. ...
  • Masturbation can help you learn what you like and don't like sexually. ...
  • Exploring your body and learning how to give yourself sexual pleasure can be empowering and help improve your body image.

      With better understanding of the pros of masturbation, lets get to the good part. Now fellas, for you guys it’s pretty simple. Find the right hand stroke and speed, making sure to connect with the base of your head on the upstroke and you’re sure to blast off. Adding some type of oil even makes it a bit more pleasurable. If you’d REALLY like to up the ante and have the feeling closest to being inside of a woman, squeeze a lubricant (lotion will work as well) into a hot wash cloth and utilize that as your hand mit. Thank me later. When you know better, you do better. 

      Not everyone has a vivid imagination which will allow you to carry out the mission without any type of visual aid. Porn movies, magazines, a steamy novel (Hint:such as one of mine), or even mood music complete with candle light can set the scene. It depends solely on you and what you like or need. I’ve had women tell me that they’ve never been able to do the deed mostly because of lack of knowledge. The simplest cheat code for either gender would be sex toys. Although the average man is least likely to walk around with a pocket pussy than a woman with a lipstick vibrator. Yes guys, that’s really a thing. 

       Ladies, close your eyes for a moment and think of your highest point of pleasure when being penetrated. The same rules apply in masturbation. Find the position most comfortable for you and locate your clitoris, which is the source of your stimulation. If you’re interested in the most heightened orgasm, place your hand palm down between your thighs and insert two fingers inside. Motion as if you’re trying to touch your belly button from the inside, and there you will find the spongy area known as your g-spot. Applying pressure to that area while massaging your clit with two preferably oiled fingers from your other hand will have you speaking in tongues. A removable shower head can also be a girls best friend. The warm pulsing water beating directly down on your pearl will have more than just the shower water wet. Don’t neglect the other sensitive parts of your body. Massage your breasts and trace your silhouette with your hands just as you’d like your partner to. When your orgasm begins to brew each time, squeeze your thighs just as if you had a penis inside to ride the wave to the end. 

       Now, just because I’ve referenced singles here, that absolutely does not exclude anyone in a relationship from being self indulgent as well. There are many instances when you just can’t be with your mate, but could use a release. There’s long distance relationships, work schedules or any other life circumstance that may prevent you from being together at the time. By all means, do it yourself as opposed to “stepping out” on your relationship. When it comes to us women, some of our men can be put off by even the thought of a vibrator inside of his sacred place, so utilizing your hands or any type of vibrating outside clitorial stimulator would be your go-to. Meanwhile, the fun part about having that person is that you can even make it phone or FaceTime sex. That will heighten the experience for you both. 

      So just to recap, as always we’re not in the business of settling around here. Don’t succumb to the winter blues and make any rash decisions that you’d later regret. Ladies head out to your local adult toy store and grab you a few B.O.B.S (or battery operated boys, as I like to call them.) My personal favorite is the rabbit, although you can never go wrong with a handy double bullet. Invest in a lipstick vibe or even a Venus butterfly for when you’re on the go. Don’t use horny as an excuse to pick up strays. As for my guys, the shower is always a good time to let one go. Let’s practice self love as opposed to settling for wooden nickels. We’re living our best sex lives with or without a partner all winter long. Until next week. Ciao. 



Share this post

Leave a comment

Note, comments must be approved before they are published