Safe Haven

     Whoo chile! Can I share with you all how I banged out some awesome jewels and then sat in disbelief waiting on Ashton Kutcher himself to jump out and reveal that I was being punked as every word I typed had disappeared from the screen. I never got the chance to hit the save button. BUT, the devil IS a lie! After a good woosah, I’m back with a good word for the week. Let me just say how very hard it is to have a psychology type of mind and not psycho-analyze every single thing that you read. That in fact is my day to day life. And when it’s really good, I share it with you. Inserts wink

      Scrolling idly on social media, I stumbled upon a post that read, “Am I the only wife that makes my husband sleep closest to the door so if someone breaks in, they kill him first?” I had a couple of knee jerk reactions. Yet I found myself tickled as I imagined my 5’3” frame diving on the would be assailants back in an attempt to gauge his eyes out. Not saying that my man would need the assist, but I’m gonna be right there just in case. My next waive of emotions was that of dismay because there are people who don’t know that that’s actually “a thing.” 

     Nothing makes me cringe like walking behind a couple and the woman is closest to the curb. Apparently it’s unbeknownst to her since she is usually wearing a grin while hand in hand with the fella, that she in fact is being gutter walked. This lets me know that this fella was not raised being taught that he is is to be the protector of the woman in his life. And it is now seemingly acceptable by the women who he has grown up to date. Which allows him to carry this mindset from relationship to relationship since no one has yet to call him on his shit. 

     You see, just as the man should walk closest to the curb to shield his woman from harm is the same inside of the home with the man sleeping closest to the bedroom door just in case  the worst should occur. The role of protector is far more deeply rooted than those things. However we have deviated from these roles in so many instances and wonder why there are so many unhappily single people as well as those in relationships and marriages suffering through the same type of unhappiness. 

     It’s no secret that I’m all for women bossing up. However, call me old fashioned, because there are still some old habits for me that die hard. Just as a woman should nurture and care for her man, mind, body, and soul. The same holds true for a man being the protector and care taker of his woman, mind, body, and soul. I’m sure we’ve all heard the song lyrics “Every Superwoman needs a Superman.” There’s nothing like that feeling of safety when you’re in the presence of your man. Almost as if you’re untouchable. I’m still overcome by that fuzzy feeling when stepping onto a curb and feeling my person place his hand in the small of my back to nudge me toward the inside of the walkway as he walks curbside. I mean, it’s the little things. 

     I’ve heard so many men speaking on how chivalry is dead because it seems to go unappreciated these days. Ladies it is absolutely acceptable to be a strong woman who is able to hold her own, but are you so independent until you don’t even want a man to hold your door? We can’t complain about what a person isn’t doing if we don’t allow it. And this goes both ways. As I often say, meet the requirements of your requirements. 

     Let me put it into perspective for you. I know a young lady who was in a relationship with a man who she shared a home with.They had disagreements in the past, but he seemed to be a good guy worth coaching. So she remained. At any rate, he had his side of the bed and she had hers. When they moved to a new place, the positioning of the room made it so “his side” of the bed was away from the door. The first night at bed time, she laid on that side and he asked her to move off of his side. She told him that it’s now her side and went to sleep. This became an ongoing argument as he couldn’t understand why he should sleep closest to the door. Realizing that he had no sense of being the protector of the house, and of her, let her know that he in fact was not the man for her. And because everyone has their dealbreaker, she moved on. 
   
      Getting back to the the key point at hand... Think of how after a long day at work, or just the hustle and bustle how you long to get home. To your safe space. The person in your life should feel just like that. Your safe haven. Like no matter what the world has thrown at you that day that when you get with them, you feel a sense of calm. You feel safe and untouchable. They just feel like home. That’s how you know that through any imperfection, since clearly every day won’t be roses, that you’d rather spend even your bad days with this person. In your own little safe haven.

       Simply put, Ladies, let these men lead. It’s too cold to be still talking about a hot girl summer. It’s supposed to be wifey winter and beyond. Gents, have somewhere to lead them besides oncoming traffic. Catch my drift? Make her not only feel protected but give her a vibe she can’t get anywhere else. And by all means, let’s not forget the goal this decade people. We’re garnering happy and healthy relationships where we take ownership and work on being our best selves. That my friends, is what I call living our best lives. Until next time. 


1 comment

  • I agree let him lead, submit to chivalry. However, there are times when it will take practice to get there. I have spent so much time being single that sometimes I find it hard to fully submit. Recently the guy I am dating now noticed my independence and patiently understood why and where it come from gently taking the lead from me vowing to lead me. Again I will admit I am still working on it but I am loving it.

    Malyonjays

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