New Year. New me. How’s that working out for everyone? We’re nearing the end of the first month of a new year, a new decade even and there’s been so much chatter about what will be happening in 2020. Have you made the first step toward changing something that you routinely do for the betterment of your relationships as of yet? Or have you started doing a new thing to add to that relationship? You see, I’m all for the glow up, and I beseech everyone to pour into their relationships, however, I’m not big on resolutions. 

     Toward the end of each year, you have people both single and in relationships speaking on what they resolve to do and whom they resolve to cut off if not in compliance. Have you ever stopped to think just for one second that your characteristics may deem you to be the person that actually needs to be cut off? Don’t get me wrong, I am an avid believer that no one is perfect and that none of us should stand in judgement of another person. However, we do know what does or does not make us feel warm and fuzzy inside. If you are the person who only notices when your feelings have been bruised, but not when you’re the person doing the bruising, it’s high time that you take accountability for your shit.

      Everyone is looking for something different in a partner or in a relationship should I say. However the end result is the same. It’s human nature to desire love and companionship. We were not placed here on this earth to be loners. However, once we get that person in our life, it is only fair to them to give the same effort that you too look for in return. I say often that the best way to figure out if you’re doing something less than desirable is to place yourself in that persons shoes. If you wouldn’t like a certain something being done to you, don’t do it to someone else. More importantly, if you require a certain amount of effort, give that same effort. 

     So many women and men have been scarred to the point that they are afraid to put themselves out there. You cannot judge everyone according to the last person who hurt you and expect to find your happily ever after. You are in fact blocking your own blessings. Operating out of fear of being played or under appreciated, so you’re showing up as your lesser self to your potential future. If you would not show up and give a lack luster performance for the audition that you’ve waited a life time for, why would you short change the person that God just may have hand selected for you out of fear of your past? 

     If we were to go to statistics for the number of people who’s first love (or so they thought) ended up being their happily ever after, you may not feel so bad. It is in fact true that women have to sometimes kiss a few frogs before finding Prince Charming. And for the fellas...well you get the point. We have all mistaken a warm smile for a warm heart and later found that someone’s representative showed up for the try out phases of dating. Guess what? That is perfectly fine! How else would you know how to truly appreciate it when that person crosses your path?

      Just the thought of heartbreak is scary as hell. I get it. But for me, the thought of aging and dying alone is far more scary. Growing old to be known as the cat lady is not the move for me. Insert hearty chuckle to lighten the mood. Just know that these hearts are built to last more than you know. There is a very fine line between discernment and talking yourself out of something due to paranoia. A person who does not have your best interest at heart can not pretend to but for so long. Trust me. You will know. 

     What I’m trying to relay to you all is that it does not require for you to feel like mentally saying that you’re changing is the key to a better life or better relationships. Being the best you requires daily work. Waiting until December 20th to declare that a new version of you is being birthed in eleven days is ludicrous. All that’s required for you to live happily year after year is for you to speak it into existence and to be the happiness that you seek. THATS IT! I know you were waiting for some type of witchcraft sorcery. Sorry to disappoint, but it all begins and ends with YOU!  
 In closing, I have a challenge for you all. Whether or not you were one to claim that at the drop of the ball on New Year’s Eve that everything was changing, or if you were one just to silently pray for a better year. I implore you each to do something different this week. Don’t speak about it, be about it. To get something you’ve never had, that sometimes requires you to do something that you’ve never done. Be the change that you truly want to see in your life and your relationships. You just may find that this approach works for you. My desire for all of you is a life full of bliss. Your absolute best life. The one that you cannot live if you aren’t reaching for it. Step outside of the box, throw resolutions to the wind and let’s reach. Until next time.




Share this post

Leave a comment

Note, comments must be approved before they are published


  • I know I don’t want to grow old and alone, nor do I want to settle. You see settleling happens ae a result of never trying anything new. The old insanity of doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. Try dating that guy/girl who is different from your norm and you just might find a gem worth fighting for. They may be the one to help you discover new things about yourself.

  • Fact, that doesn’t require a comment except, enough said!

    • Malyonjays