Let’s Make A Deal

      Have you ever run across who you thought to be the ideal man or woman and been so stoked that you couldn’t contain yourself? Until a few dates down the line that is, when you find out they don’t meet all of the criteria of your “check list.” You read that right. Check list. A lot of millennial singles have a list that outlines what it is that they are looking for in a mate.Even if it is more of a mental note of how you’d like for your next to be. Now I know that this may sound ridiculously shallow. But these check lists so I’ve found are not just based on physicality, but all of the traits that someone should embody to occupy space in ones life. 

    Now, what do I think about these check lists? If you follow my blogs, you know that I speak a lot about manifestation and speaking what you seek. Therefore I don’t think it’s such a bad idea. That is, depending on how strong of a curve you’re grading on when you realize that the person you have been swooning over has something on their “resume” that you would deem a deal breaker. And what exactly that deal breaker is  

     What is a deal breaker you ask? It’s something that I refer to as a hard limit. Meaning I absolutely will not bend on it for any reason. For example, anal sex for some women is considered a hard limit or a deal breaker. For a man, anal sex or not being willing to perform it may be a deal breaker for him. Oral sex or the lack there of, number of children, career, cleanliness, and so forth and so on are just a few more examples of what someone could consider a deal breaker for them. In short, a reason you deem plausible enough not to pursue anything serious or long term with someone. 

     We all have an idea of what we want our life partner to be like. And I for one am an advocate for not settling. But in the same breath I will always advise someone never to cut off the nose to spite the face. Which basically means that overreacting can work against you. I’m sure I lost a few of you here. How can you even entertain overlooking something on your check list and not be settling at the same time. If you remember, I also said that it is depending on how strong of a curve you’re grading on. 

     Fellas, let’s say you meet a beautiful, articulate, self sufficient woman with a banging body but later find out that she is saving anal sex for her husband. Anal  sex is number three on your list of deal breakers. I mean you and this woman have had great conversations, she sparks your interest like no other woman ever has before, and you can actually visualize her in your future. So do you decide not to date her based off of her hard limit on anal sex and potentially lose the best thing that ever happened to you? Or do you compromise, keeping in mind that she hasn’t said that all sex was off the table. Just anal. 

     On every level I encourage singles to know exactly what it is that they are in search of in order to be able to identify it when it comes. However, I would also beseech you to be realistic, remembering that no one is perfect, yet that does not mean that they won’t be perfect for you. Also bear in mind that compatibility isn’t always liking or being into the same things. Don’t allow a check list or a deal breaker be the reason that you are listed as “special friend” in someone’s obituary. 

    This thing called life doesn’t come with any guarantees, nor do we know how long we have to live it. Wouldn’t you rather live your best while you can? Happiness should be a goal for us all. And don’t get me wrong, or assume I’m suggesting we place responsibility for our happiness in another’s hands. We should absolutely be happy within ourselves first, but at a certain age, companionship is almost a must. It adds to the quality of our lives in many ways.       

      Ladies, don’t grow old with a bunch of cats in your house and a boatload of misery because you passed up on a man that didn’t give you the same stroke as that no good dude who stressed you until your hair fell out. Yet he is a good man, and had you paid attention you would have realized that he was coachable and would have perfected his stroke. Well, actually he did perfect it. On the woman who set aside her deal breaker because his other qualities were unmatched.  

     So, how about we make a deal? Help me to help you. If your deal breakers, or hard limit isn’t hazardous to your health and is something that can be tweeked, by all means don’t miss a blessing in disguise because you were too oblivious of what was sitting right before you. That list will make you find yourself by yourself. 

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1 comment

  • Interesting and thought provoking blog.

    I am not a millenial rather a vibrant experience generation X. However, I find that the list has nothing to do with age rather the ability or inability to compromise one’s own expectations in order for someone to be their mate.

    I find that I have always been a bit choosy in terms of my list and absolute deal breakers; disrespect is a norm and not worth mentioning because I wouldn’t entertain any man who disrespect me. As for sex to each it’s own however, if there is an act that you are not comfortable with simply don’t do it. Sex should always feel like a mutual act and not simply performing an act just to satisfy another to stay. When it comes to sex you have to find your match and by match I mean where the two of you are so aligned nothing feels compromising, it feels satisfying.

    There are no perfect people nor are there perfect designs when it comes to finding someone who meets every check on your list. Not to mention insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. Date someone without a list in mind rather just a bottomline (disrespect for me) and simply enjoy the surprises together.

    I agree that if you live by that list it will be all you will have to live with.

    • Malyonjays