He’s just not that into you

     “He’s just not that into you!” We’ve all seen the movie right? It highlights the dating lives of a few inner city singles and the cat and mouse that goes along with it. Now, let’s move away from the big screen and apply this to real life. I’m sure the first thing we as women would say is that we in fact DO know when a man isn’t into us. Or the interest is unrequited. Right? Wrong! 

     This seems to be quite the hot topic amongst the ladies right now. Each scenario being different. But you still have to be mindful of the signs. And I don’t mean of the zodiac. As a single woman who is dating, the last thing you want to do is waste your time on someone who is in fact not interested in you seriously. Unfortunately, the age old saying holds a lot of truth. You do indeed sometimes have to kiss a few frogs to find your prince. (Inserts KING instead) There was a time when it was pretty simple to figure out if a guy is or isn’t about to waste all of your time. However times have changed.

     Even in the new millennium, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know the basic signs that a guy isn’t as interested in you as you are in him. Someone who isn’t interested in truly “getting to know you,” Doesn’t pay attention to detail or compliment you ever, you find yourself having to initiate contact each time, Avoids public outings, and just simply doesn’t prioritize you in any way. That’s the short list. However it’s pretty safe to say these are red flags. 

     Because we were brought up believing that the little boy who pushes you down on the playground or teases you every day at school only does that because he has a crush on you, these red flags at times may just get swept under the rug and replaced with excuses as to why he lacks in said areas. Don’t be ok with being a doormat because you “think” he likes you. 

     A MAN should always say what he means and mean what he says. Hence eliminating any confusion as to his intentions and how interested he is in moving forward with you. If only life came packaged that simply. Chances are, for so many reasons, he just doesn’t know how to convey himself or express how he feels. Especially if he is even the slightest bit intimidated by you. So does that mean that he lacks interest, or is he just incapable of showing you? 

     Along with all of the new technology in this era, also comes a new set of unspoken rules of engagement that a lot of us get unconsciously accustomed to. These rules include but are not limited to things such as not wanting to be the first person to initiate contact, not seeming too “pressed” by calling too much, courting a woman means you’re trying to “wife” her too soon, complimenting a woman doesn’t matter because her male social media followers do so, or being viewed as anything less than cool for showing a woman the proper affection. There are many other factors, including previous relationships that have left scars. With all of these things factored in, a man can come off as being disinterested when he in fact may want nothing more than to truly get to know you. 

      So how do you know the difference? And how do you know when to say when if that is truly the case? Well, the most obvious is to ask what his intentions are or to question why he seems so guarded. Which sometimes a woman doesn’t want to do so not to seem too pushy. So now what do you do? Who knew dating which is supposed to be invigorating could be so tough? 

     Ladies and gents, let me throw together a few cliff notes or a dating cheat sheet for you so to speak. If you’re interested, let it be known because there will be several other people on both ends willing to do backflips for their attention. If you want to speak to them, pick up the phone and call or send a text. Don’t wait for them to, they could very well be waiting for you to call first as well. Take initiative. Gents, ask that woman on a date. Ladies, it’s perfectly fine for you to do the same, and treat even. Compliment each other. *Sidenote fellas* A woman doesn’t care how many compliments she receives in a day if it isn’t coming from the man she is interested in, it doesn’t hold the same weight. Fellas don’t think she won’t ever get tired of the disappointment and bail on you. She will eventually. Ladies, don’t think that everything should be one sided and you don’t have to put in any work also. You do. Or another woman will. Be intentional. And by all means, now is the time to begin learning each other’s love language. (See last week’s blog) That could save you a whole lot of time and despair. 

       All things considered, and assuming that we are all too grown to play games and purposely lead another person on, don’t ruin a potential good thing overthinking it. But on the flip side, if you don’t see any change or feel the interest is not being reciprocated after doing your part to make them comfortable with being open with you, know when to cut your losses and choose yourself. Because in some instances he really just is not that into you. 

    

     

 


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