Don’t disturb this groove

     In a perfect world, the quest for companionship would be as easy as tying your shoes. But we all know that perfect doesn’t exist on any planet. Most singles complain that finding someone that they’re physically attracted to, mentally stimulated by, and share amazing chemistry with is the hard part when in search of a mate. Many even take to social media and dating sights to help in the search of “the perfect match.” 

     I hate to rattle your chains with an unpopular opinion, but finding those things in a person is in fact not the hardest part about single life. When it comes to the relationship checklist that I elaborated on in last weeks write, I can assure that one of the key bullet points would be missing from everyone’s list. Emotional availability. There. I said it. And I can just hear the lightbulbs going off in everyone’s heads now.  It’s almost like the elephant in the room of dating. 

     Whether it be an organic connection that takes place after a chance meeting, or a more staged meet up by way of a dating app, there will be that person that fits all of your criteria. Well, almost all. Since your key purpose for dating is longevity, and by the way things may have taken off between you two, you would assume the same holds true for the new boo. That is, until he or she drops the bomb that they aren’t quite ready for a full on commitment. Here is where it gets tricky, but at the same time should simplify things for you. 

      When someone tells you that they are not ready for a serious relationship, but you are, believe them. In a lot of instances it isn’t personal. So spare yourself the woe is me, falling apart theatrics. It is ABSOLUTELY safe to say that you shouldn’t disturb a person when you aren’t sure what you’re ready for. At the same time, they may have just come face to face with more than they realized they were ready for. Respect the honesty, bow out gracefully, and take the high road. 

     Ladies, sorry to pick on you, but this is something that we tend to be guilty of. We are emotional beings by nature, and if we see something special enough in  man to take him seriously, walking away isn’t always an easy feat. However, romanticizing what could be, may ultimately end up breaking your own heart. Yes, he may be a wonderful person and you feel like you just can’t live without him. Newsflash, no amount of fairy dust sprinkled in his meals or bouncing up and down on him will make him become emotionally available. The same holds true in the reverse. Fellas, if you’re ready for something that she is not prepared to embark upon with you, find the one who will be. You can in no way coax a person into being ready for what you’re ready for. 

     We all have a responsibility to bury all demons and  know what it is that we want from another individual when dating, so not to “break” them for the next person. But again, this is not a perfect world and things don’t always happen in that manner. However, if a warning shot was fired, whether it be a few months or more in, you were warned. You can’t point the finger and play the blame game like you’ve been played when you decided to play along despite the heads up. That is simply the harsh reality. 

    Accountability is key in any level of relationship. As disheartening as it may seem, people change their minds all the time. Don’t allow it to create an ice box where your heart once existed. Walk away before you get to that point. Love yourself enough to put your longterm feelings first. Time tends to only make the heart grow fonder, which means being forced to walk away later down the line will hurt a lot more. 

    As in all things, what is meant to be will always be. Sometimes a person will get ready for something that they realize they aren’t willing to live without. And maybe that’s just how fairytales end. But in any situation, if you aren’t sure that you’re sure that you’re sure as to what you want.......let that man or woman continue to be great while you figure out your life. When in doubt, treat them exactly as you’d want to be treated. 




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  • Agreed! However, I will add speaking for myself of course; sex will never take place if we are not on the same page. My body is not for a man to sample and ride while he figures out his emotional issues. This doesn’t mean that if we start out on the same page that the next chapter will be him and I happy ever after. What it will mean is we gave it a FAIR chance. Fair meaning we wanted the same emotional commitment only we weren’t compatible.

    I Also agree that you have to accept and move on when it doesn’t work out. Maturity and experience has truly taught me that he is not the last man on earth… onto the next.

    • Malyonjays